This blog post was written June 28, 2016.
Military spouses are gifts from above! They are resilient, versatile, smart, resourceful, friendly individuals.
Yes, I am biased but oh well!
This week I was talking to a couple of “framilies” that is; friends who have become family, and one “hot” topic was friendship blind dates. We were also talking about the struggles of a PCS (permanent change of station)…
Some of you might be asking; WHAT?
Well, military families usually move around every three years and for spouses, the military move comes in stages, let me try to explain:
Stage 1: The anticipation-
This is when you know you are hitting the 3-year mark and you know the spouse will get orders soon- location usually UNKNOW. So until you have orders you just worry if you will get that amazing location (Hawaii, Alaska, Europe) or if you will have to burn in the desert somewhere in Texas or go to no nowhere Louisiana, or who knows Ft. Wood. Until you see those orders you just stress….. Believe me, a move is what you make of it and every station is “Home” if you make it home!
Stage 2: Orders in hand you hit-
The excitement phase: Once you have those orders the excitement stage sets in and OMG you are pure joy! We are moving, we are moving! YAY! All you talk about is moving and how awesome it is going to be…..
Stage 3: The Cleaning stage-
This stage usually happens when you realize that packers will be touching your “stuff” and you start pre-packing everything and you realize you just have way too much “CRAP”. You host at least 3 garages sales just to get rid of the extra weight! The less your house weight the more you get to buy (right?).
Stage 4: The depression stage-
Ok, pre-packing is almost impossible. You work on each room and then you realize (heck, the movers will touch your stuff anyways, they are paid to move you anyways might as well let them do all the work right?)
At this stage, you feel hopeless. You feel you can’t complete anything around the house. Your house is full of boxes- why did you pack so early- now you can’t find those shoes you really need… arghhh…. you start missing your friends, you realize that moving is hard on the whole family…. you barely want to get up from bed…. Can we just blink and be done with the move already?
Stage 5: Motivation stage-
At this point, you are over the hump and you just want to get this move over with! You work hard every day to get things DONE! Movers come and pack! You are energized- You are making travel plans for the next year with your best friends! You got this!
Stage 6- This suck stage-
Ok, you have no furniture, kids have no more toys, household goods are gone! You sleep on that inflatable bed for at least 30 days and you are just ready to move! How can you pack for a 90-day transition (overseas) in 2 suitcases each.. Are you kidding me?
Stage 7- It is vacation time-
This is one of the best stages even if your leave (AKA vacation) consists of going “home” to your parents for a long period of time… which then it becomes a “I know this is your house and these are your rules and we need our own space but we are homeless until we reach our destination, which in this case we will just get out of your hair because or else we will get into a big unnecessary fight over how to squeeze toothpaste)
Stage 8- We have arrived-
This is an exciting phase, full of hotels, and the same old clothes from 90 days ago… You wait to get a house available and pretty soon you are home…. It is just another 2 days kids, we got this….
Stage 9- Moving day-
So what if we have to sleep on the floor (again! The inflatable bed isn’t so bad as long it is in our new home!)? This will be our home for at least 3 years and that is good enough! We don’t have to be quiet or stop being ourselves. It is home and we are all so excited to arrive HOME! What matters is that we are all together in our own HOME right?
Stage 10- Settling Stage-
Yes, the house is full of boxes, some that you don’t even want to open… Seriously, who packs the trashcan full of trash? Yikes! At least we are home! Remember unpack one room and make it “Yours” this room will be sanctuary while the rest of the house looks like a tornado disaster area until you are done unpacking the entire house.
Stage 11- Making friends-
This is when your spouse starts setting you up in blind dates with his buddies wives! This can be a make or break deal!
Sometimes hubby hits the nail on the head and you become best friends or sometimes they miss the target so bad and you end up with a thorn in your side! Either way, they only do it because they love you and don’t want you to feel lonely! Moving is hard on everyone…
Stage 12- Getting connect-
This is when you realize that friendships are a 2-way street and you will only have friends if you are a friend… You become a better person because you see what you become if you don’t, and that is LONELY!
Stage 13- Happily ever-
Then you live, you live each moment, each day and you enjoy. You make great friends that become framily and you just feel whole again, until….
Stage 14- You are moving again………
Every military spouse goes through these stages- they become stronger for it, they become a better person because of it!
When they are on “vacation” invite them over (do not ask them to do too much work) seriously they are extremely emotional and they just want “HOME” and by home anywhere where the family is together and it might be temporary but it is theirs! Their safe haven!
Anyways, be a friend, be there for your FRIENDS!
With love,
Raquel
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A comment from our readers:
I adore this post. I feel that many military family members can truly “own” each of these stages. There are ups and downs being a military spouse. However, I know that I have created friendships all over the world as apart of this process. I have learned to be a more open person who looks forward to each new adventure. Hugs my dear friend.
